I heard it was a slaptastic Oscars last night; it turned out to be the opposite. I’ve read that this year’s Academy Awards was an utter shocker and that it was one of the worst produced shows ever.
I say produced because everyone seems to agree that the right people won in all the acting categories. They had beautiful speeches, Dune sweeping the technical awards, Jane Campion taking director gong, and CODA winning Best Film.
There were also praises for Lady Gaga and Liza Minnelli’s moment and Kevin Costner’s utterly stunning speech when presenting the nominees for Best Director.
Whilst everyone is talking about Will Smith slapping the taste out of Chris Rocks’ mouth, the most important moment was Costner because he beautifully articulated what movies are supposed to do and what the Oscars are supposed to be.
It highlights the crap decisions the Academy have made in the lead up to this year’s awards. From having three sports dudes presenting the tribute montage of the 60th Anniversary of James Bond instead of getting at least one former Bond in the ceremony or fuck me, Dame Judi Dench was there!!
The presenting guest lists are full of pointless celebrates before rushing at the 11th hour to find a way to get Rachel Ziegler (the star of the Best Picture nominated West Side Story) at the show.
This clown show continues by removing eight categories from the live show and having them presented whilst everyone is on the red carpet, injecting those wins and speeches throughout the show and other things that showcase how shit they are.
How could you not have added Denzel Washington handing Samuel L. Jackson’s Lifetime Achievement as part of the live show? His speech would’ve been amazing.
Even though this year’s awards drew in a larger audience of 15.36 million, compared to 2021’s 10.4 million (via The Hollywood Reporter), I, like many film fans, used to love the Oscars, but that love is dying.
I want to show the organisers how it should be done for next year’s 95th Academy Awards.
Celebrate Films First, Be A TV Show Second
This is something the Academy has seemed to have forgotten because they’re chasing rating, and it’s making the whole event worse. So instead, let’s return to what the Oscars are all about celebrating film and its craft and the wonder and escapism it brings.
With that in mind, we’re bringing back the eight categories they removed this year, remove the fan votes and replacing them with another award voted by the public called Best Newcomer, similarly to BAFTA’s EE’s Rising Star.
So I’m less worried about runtime because the entertainment in the Super Bowl makes the four-hour runtime flyby. The runtime will be breezy if you make the Oscars enjoyable celebration escapism.
The show will begin with Hollywood’s favourite dad, Tom Hanks taking us through the brief history of Hollywood and the Academy, and it’ll bring that wonder back with this five-minute video.
Afterwards, the host who can bring a charming yet funny three-minute monologue poking fun at the stars in attendance, then witty minute introductions to each presenter is needed. Somebody like Andy Samberg or Paul Rudd comes to mind as either would bring plenty of fun to the show.
Each award will be introduced by someone in that field talking about the craft for two and half minutes, and I’d keep the acting awards the same, so last year’s winner presents this year’s opposite genders category. Meaning we keep sweet moments like this year of last year’s Supporting Actress winner Youn Yuh-Jung giving Troy Kotsur his Best Supporting Actor award.
The ceremony will have 24 categories (plus Lifetime Achievement), and we’ll give each winner five minutes to collect their award and have their speech that making it two hours and five minutes long altogether.
Then you have an In Memoriam, which should be roughly three to four minutes.
Finally, Best Song will be one of the earlier awards given (I’d make it one of the first three). Later in the ceremony, the winner will be able to perform the song live as footage from that film is played.
This will make the whole presentation roughly three hours and 49 minutes.
Ad breaks could be where the host can have fun appearing in the ads with stars similar to the Super Bowl adverts. Meanwhile, in the Dolby Theatre, the host can entertain guests with jokes or a performance.
If it was Samberg, he could bring out his Lonely Island members to perform with these moments uploaded on YouTube after the event. Plus, just as they go into the break, have social media posts from people having Oscar parties.
Elsewhere, as it’s a celebration of movies, Hollywood studios should air trailers for their upcoming films at a cheaper rate than what they are during the Super Bowl.
So once we add all of the entire presentation and ad breaks, it would be the longest Oscars ever, beating out the 74th ceremony at four and a half hours. Still, with these changes, it’ll be a true celebration of cinema and hopefully appeal to fans doing Oscar parties and causal audiences.